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Here it is, the day before Christmas, and Ann and I went out to get a few things from the grocery store. There's a lot of people out there, and I honestly feel like I don't care what day it is. I just know that my foot hurts, and the night is fast aproaching.
We decorated my beloved Charlie Brown tree last night, and it now looks very much loved and comforted. I'm still feeling very much like I'm not loved by God, and it's starting to wear on me. Will I ever feel that warm, safe feeling again? Who knows.
I feel really bad because Ann's upset that I have a couple of nice presents for her. I had gotten her another present, but she doesn't want any presents, and it hurts that we (mom and me) can't give her the gifts we have. That's just the way I am, giving a little something. I guess I'm not used to someone getting mad at me for giving a Christmas gift. It makes me really sad.
Oh, well - that's for another time. Right now I need a nap, and after I make mom's soup, I just might take one.
I am so looking forward to seeing the Baby Jesus in the manger at St John Capistran - it makes the manger complete. Last year I would have said that it made my heart complete, but not this year. It sucks.
Posted by bloggie at December 24, 2005 04:02 PM