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It's Christmas Day, and the multicolored lights are glowing on the tree. Outside the day is gray and dreary as it rains softly, removing the remaining snow from our yard. There were many turkeys in the yard, along with a couple of deer in the backyard - one chasing the turkeys and the other lying snuggled up in an indentation in the ground, devoid of snow. It's nice to see the critters. They always seem so happy and full of life, cavorting about and looking especially frisky.
It's 41 degrees at the moment, yet I feel cold... it's that bone-chilling cold that doesn't want to leave. I put on a pair of flannel lounge pants yet it still seems chilly, and the deep sorrow within continues its asault upon my soul. I cry the tears of loneliness and sorrow; the tears that are in touch with those things that make living so miserable. I feel very much alone in this world, like no one connects with me and no one cares.
I can't seem to shake the painful visions of being alone, of never quite being good enough to be loved and accepted. It feels as though the blood of my soul pours forth and I am buried underneath the pain of existence. I don't know what to do, and I'm not sure I care. Why should I?
God doesn't love me.
Posted by bloggie at December 25, 2005 02:34 PM