According-To-Me.com

Imperfection, part 2

After mom was fed her dinner, Ann and I went out to Max & Erma's to have a meal. I think Ann wanted to go to a buffet, but I'm not that much into buffets, and I wasn't in a mood to eat that much. So I got my favorite combo, tortilla soup and a tossed salad. It seemed as good a time as any to bare my soul to Ann, so cautiously, I began bit by bit to pull pieces from my life and share them with her.

I am always afraid to share myself with anyone, as I worry that I'll be rejected or ridiculed. I've come to know that pain like I know my own neighborhood. It takes me by the hand and walks with me, every step of the way, every minute of every day. I can't run, so here I am - a messed up, confused pile of tears, sadness and anger. I was not sure that the anger was there until just now. But all of this is mine, and I simply do not know what to do with it, except to succumb to the burden and become dead to the world.

And at night, when no one sees, I still cry - feeling very much alone, battered and resigned to that which makes me insignificant.